Gladiatorial Fashion Advice

The piazza between the Forum and the Colosseum is full of men (and now women!) dressed as Gladiators and Centurions. I've written about them before, which will have to be enough of a description, since I can't take a picture of one of them without having to pay them €20 for the privilege. Suffice it to say that these are grown men and women, who sit out in front of the Colosseum all day in ancient armor, somehow making a living by yelling 'I kill your husband!' at pretty women.


Dara and I were walking out of the Colosseum today, and sure enough, one of the centurions (he had metal armor, as opposed to the gladiators, who have leather armor) started heckling us. 'Hey, bella, you take-a the picture!' he shouted at me, 'Nice picture to take home!' When I smiled and continued walking, he decided to try a different tack. 'Oho, jealous boyfriend!' he called, enough to make Dara turn around and laughingly say 'Si, yeah.' This pushed the centurion to new heights, because he looked at Dara, and said, 'Hey, you, you change-a your shoes! Those are good for Chinatown, not Roma!'

This was enough to reduce me to helpless laughter, and make Dara suddenly very aware of his plain black sneakers. I'm not sure you could call them sneakers, actually, because they wouldn't be any good for running, but they lace up and are flat with a rubber sole.

Getting fashion advice from a man in armor was a new experience, made all the more ridiculous by the accoutrements of the centurion uniform. It is not just armor, but also a helmet, which comes with one of two type of plumes: plumes that used to be a feather boa, and plumes that used to be a broom. This centurion wore the former. The ridiculous showgirl nature of his helmet was complimented by the tiny miniskirt he wore under the armor. I think these skirts get shorter and tighter every year, or perhaps the gladiator-reenactment business is suffering this year, and they all have to borrow skirts from their girlfriends. In any case, the skirt was tight and tiny, but the centurion seemed to be making the most of the gladiator sandal trend, because his shoes looked fairly well made.

The hilarity of this situation is fully appreciated, although Dara has put those shoes back in his suitcase...

P.S. I apologize for the possibly insensitive manner of recording this conversation, but this centurion had the most stereotypically Italian accent I have ever heard.